I'm installing another round of Microsoft updates, I for some stupid reason I decided to stop and read the EULA.

The first thing that strikes me is the whole EULA thing. No user could, in their right mind, interpret one of these things. They are end lawyer licence agreements. No user about it. How would Joe sixpack have any idea what they're agreeing to?

Now, this particular EULA is for the "Genuine Advantage" tool. Now, I'm perfectly legit here, so I don't care one way or the other about installing it, but this line caught my attention:

If you have a properly licensed copy of Windows XP installed, you receive special benefits, which are listed on the following link: http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?linkid=39157.

What sort of benefits do we get? Well, I went to that link and according to Microsoft, the benefits I get from the Genuine Advantage validation tool are:

  • Capabilities you expect
  • Confidence and peace of mind
  • Ongoing improvements

Then the advertised advantages are:

  • Free downloads from the Microsoft Download Center
  • Free updates for Windows
  • Special offers, including free downloads, special promotions, and discounts.

All of this is bunk. Firstly, anyone who has the nouse to be able to find a pirated copy of Windows Corporate Edition (so you don't need to use product activation) and one of the leaked corporate keys knows that their software offers the same capabilities as a regular version.

Confidence and peace of mind? How is a copy any different to the original, typically? I've never read anything about a pirated copy of Windows being worse than the original, and people who pirate software do so because they're not worried about the penalties so they already have peace of mind.

Ongoing improvements? What ongoing improvements have there been in the last few years of Windows? I've had nothing but legitimate versions and I've never once received an "improvement". I've received patches to problems, and an update to system components that provided no difference to the way my machine worked for me.

If you want to look at the advantages, you can get free downloads from the MDC for most stuff that needs validation by scrolling to the bottom of the screen for the download. In many cases you'll see a piece of text that says something like "If you are having trouble downloading this file, try this direct link". Funnily enough, that link bypasses the genuine advantage gear.

Free updates for Windows - Microsoft have already made the decision that critical updates will be applied to all versions of Windows, legitimate or otherwise, as the bad publicity from another CodeRed or Nimda is just not worth pestering the pirates about. So you'll have a safe copy of Windows no matter what.

Lastly, In the 10+ years I've been using Windows, I have never once received a special offer or anything of the like. Oh, with the exception of a crappy mouse mat when I registered Windows 95. Yee ha.

Now, I'm not against enforcing your right to protect your software. I would be a hypocrite if I was. But someone really needs to tug good and hard on the Microsoft marketing department choke chain, as all this spin does my head in. Pirates aren't going to install it, legitimate users don't care one way or the other. Just say "It protects our rights over this software" or something similar.

Then find a lawyer that can write a contract a human can read. Really.